There’s a thin line between being helpful/ generous of self and having a Savior Complex.
Savior Complex – a psychological construct that describes a person’s need or compulsion to save others, often neglecting their own needs in the process.
You have a project and you engage an incompetent friend at the detriment of your reputation/quality of the output because you want to prove that you’re a good friend
-#SaviorComplex
To prove the genuineness of your heart, you overextend yourself, break the bank, lose your peace, ignore people & things that have been placed in your care
– #SaviorComplex
To show you truly care and that you’re such a kind person, you lower your standards, forget your values, “cast your pearls to swine”…
– #SaviorComplex
Other signs that point to Savior Complex aka “White Knightedness” are:
- Vulnerability attracts you
- You try to change people (Assistant Holy Spirit)
- You always need to find a solution
- You make excessive personal sacrifices – time, money, emotional space
- You think you’re the only one who can help (Voltron)
- You help for the wrong reasons, Etc
My therapist recommended a book titled, “Women Who Love too Much” by Robin Norwood after I jeopardized my peace and centeredness trying to “save” someone. I found the book to be so uncomfortable… triggering as I started to read because I could identify with a number of examples that were shared and then the wisdom of the words washed over me & started a healing process within as I let my guards down and stopped fighting the author (sometimes I find myself fighting authors who don’t even know I exist)
Anyway, as the year winds down and as we reflect on the goals we hit and missed, I truly think introspection should be front and center of our annual audit. Where are we going? Who do we need to become on the journey to getting there?
The most important thing I did for myself this year was raise my standards and I could only do this after much introspection. I have now resolved to give my pearls only to those deserving of them.
I’ve also now fully accepted that there’s only one Savior and it’s not me.