I’m not sure when I started to feel uncomfortable about her. The 20-something year old childminder. I had liked her during her interview and even afterwards as I watched her with the kids she had been hired to look after. She was efficient and she wasn’t a pushover; meaning the kids would be in check which was important to me because if you leave these children, they will climb your head!

Anyway, she did her chores on time and worked well with little to no supervision. My only concern was the arrogance that I sensed which I soon decided I would address once I understood her background better. What was the root of this arrogance? What was her story? 

I usually questioned my way to the gap so that I could be more sensitive but I wasn’t able to do this with her on time because I had multiple engagements and was planning a trip. A few weeks after she arrived, I was on a plane out of the country, leaving her with the older children, another caregiver, my in-laws and several neighbours.

I still remember feeling so uneasy about her everytime I called to speak to the kids but was I going to replace her while I was away? I couldn’t start interviewing anyone remotely. Wasn’t there something about the d_vil you know? I wasn’t ready to take chances so she stayed… and I prayed.

Ina Olorun, no weapon, angels of the Most High, Psalm 91, signs and wonders, with long life shall He satisfy, etc.

Whatever the plan of the enemy was, it had failed.

Months later I was back, baby in hand, eager to see my babies.

I walked into the house and saw her. Standing by the wall.

A smile on her face. I tried to smile back but I was in shock.

My size 8 childminder was now a size 12.

In how many months?!

Jesu l’Oluwa!!

I stared until I sensed her discomfort and then I caught myself.

“Hello Mabel*. How are you?”

“Fine ma”

“Wow”

Yes, I said wow… a few times actually because Wow was all I could say as I looked her over. Her cheeks were chubby, upper arms thick, tummy protruded. Is this how people gain weight? O ma ga o. I couldn’t help but think about how I had complained repeatedly that it seemed like we were always shopping. There was always a message about something finishing. “Good morning ma, egg has finished”,”No more chicken ma”, “Milk has finished”, even water wasn’t spared and let’s not talk about bread. Bread was evaporating.

“How many loaves did you buy on Tuesday?”

“3 ma”

“So what happened?”

“It has finished”

Conversations like this were a regular occurrence and each time they happened, I got the sense that she was thinking

“After all your talking, you will still buy it” and truly, after all my talking, I still replaced the finished item because I sha could not leave my children without food?

My first few days back were full of smiles but I could sense something sinister behind them and then I started to get feedback of all that happened while I was away. I can’t say I was surprised…

Some neighbors told me about how she ignored the children when they were out on the playground or visiting their homes. How she was constantly on her phone and didn’t even look up when one of the children cried. 

There was feedback about how she had been treating the other minder who resumed after her, bossing her around and being disrespectful. She had also been rude to one of the TGM employees who had been at the house, telling her that she didn’t have the right to tell her what to do; and then one day Rere said, to the hearing of an employee, “I miss Ms Mabel* and Mr Gabriel*’s fights”. “Gabriel” being the driver. Apparently, they tought regularly during school pick ups, using crass words; something the kids had found entertaining.

“Why didn’t you tell me all this when they were happening?”

“You were having a baby ma”…

I honestly didn’t know how to handle all of it. Do I let her go for things I didn’t witness? Do I give her the opportunity to defend herself?

I decided to have a conversation with her. She denied some things and explained others away.

70 X 7 right?

I counselled her and chose to let her stay. She behaved well for a day or two, then after that got very hostile.

She kept her back to me if I walked into the kitchen and was speaking to her, she had walked away a few times while I was mid-sentence saying she wanted to go and do what I had said. I would walk into the room and she wouldn’t look up from her phone, almost like do what you came to do and be going and for some reason, she started averting my gaze; she could no longer look me in the eye.

I was on my way to a radio interview in Ikoyi to talk about TGM and some of the work we were doing, including facilitating international partnerships for Nollywood, when I realized I had forgotten something at home. I turned around, got back home and noticed she was missing. I asked the other minder who was tending to the baby where she was and she said she didn’t know. I called out to her to no response, checked the kitchen, and then decided to check the children’s room because they were on their half term break and I assumed that they would be taking a nap and she’d be with them.

She wasn’t.

Instead, the children were alone. Bobo was asleep and Rere was playing with her toys.

Alone!!!

Of course, now I had to find her. I called out again, checked everywhere, still no response and then I decided to check the bq.

She was there.

On her phone.

WATCHING A MOVIE and EATING BREAD!!!!!!!

As expected, she started apologizing, and for the first time, I saw a tinge of humility in her. Her arrogance disappeared but I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that she had left the children alone and was watching a movie and EATING BREAD. 

I know that I should care more about her leaving the kids alone but that bread pained me because I’m always saying in the house that bread is not a snack!! Bread of N2,500 abi how much, is not a snack! You are not to walk past the bread and say let me quickly eat one slice there, NO!!

I contemplated cancelling the radio interview to allow me process what was happening so I could rationally decide what to do next but l’ve hosted a live TV show before and I know how frustrating guest cancellations can be. So I left for the interview, taking the phone along with me but I knew then that I had no more grace to extend. Her time with my family had come to an end.

She pulled another stunt that evening and that was it for me really.

Please come and be going.

“You can leave with everything else but the phone we got you.”

That one shook her. She pushed back saying that she thought the phone was now hers.

She looked scared, almost…

It seemed like having a baby had made me soft because I’m not sure how I endured everything for as long as I did. I think it was also me trying to not change yet another minder. Since my 4-year + minder left last year, it had been a struggle getting the right person. I kept hoping that each new one will be The One. Alas!

Issues left and right!

Is it the one with (what I think is) athritis who couldn’t keep up with the kids but was convinced that I was letting her go because I didn’t like her? Or the one with BO who threw a tantrum and packed her things when I asked her about it or the one who would hide to eat between meals and then lie about it? It was just one thing to the other and I needed stability which must have contributed to my “patience”.

I think I also believed that speaking to her would… change her? Tbh I don’t know. I just know that I kept hoping things will change until once day I came back home unexpectedly and what I saw made me gasp…panicking in fact, but I had made up my mind. She would not be leaving with the phone.

The following Sunday, as the children took a nap, I remembered the phone.

I picked it up and understood the reason for the panic. The phone was filled with gossip about us, details of the children’s movements and interactions with ex staff.

The girl was dangerous…

Okay let me wrap this gist up. I actually contemplated doing an IG Live for the concluding part but let me finish the way I started.

I remember looking at the messages wondering what had generated the hate. Her messages sounded quite bitter.

My question to myself was why didn’t she just leave? There are tons of families in Lagos looking for childminders, she could have left honourably and found another family to work with, but she chose to stay back and complain about everything. 

She complained that we didn’t connect her to the wifi in the house, that there was beef but no chicken, that we kept talking about how quickly food finished and that my 2-year old bobo was crying too much. 

Then there was the message of “Sorry, madam’s EA was in the car so l could not stop to say hello after I picked the kids”, meaning when the EA wasn’t in the car, she was making personal stops? There were also details of where she was or was going to with the kids. “We just got to X”, “We’re on our way to Y”.

Security hazard.

A driver had asked for custard and she responded that he could pick up in a few minutes. Dessert tinz!

It’s also how she kept in touch with old staff. One former minder in particular was steady keeping tabs on us. Have we travelled? Are we back? When last did I cook? What did I cook? Was it nice? Tabs. By the way, I was “Toyosi” in her messages. As per first name basis…

Ever so often, that particular old minder will say, “You better leave that place” and she would reply, “I will leave”. There were exchanges of agents’ numbers and communication with family members’ minders asking what they were paid and comparing notes on gifts/bonuses. 

What did they give you for Christmas?

 “When is your off?”

When last did they increase your salary? 

The comms also included exchanges of our (Daniel and my) social media posts with commentary and it was then it began to feel like we were under  surveillance. Home and Away

I wonder how far she would have gone if she had stayed longer, because she may not have known it but she had become a willing vessel for the enemy. I’m glad we will never find out. So that’s it. My experience with the stranger in my home.

By the way, apparently a trick during interviews is to say you have a kid, preferably 8 – 11 years old. It generates sympathy when they say the kid is with their mum and their salaries are not negotiated as much as those who say they don’t have.